Ruts are hard. I'm in a rut right now and they're difficult to get out of. I figured I can't be the only one struggling with this so I'm gonna write about it and share my take on how to get out of one. It feels like the past few weeks have just been downhill. Everytime something happens and I try to be positive about it but each time it just chips pieces away more and more. Now I'm at the point where I'm thinking enough! Because I can't continue going on like this. I'm currently writing this from my sofa, having trouble dealing with the tension I feel inside me and getting up and doing something. It doesn't help that the next earliest appointment with my therapist is December 30th, that's a long wait to keep sitting with this.
Fighting against mental illness can be really though sometimes. It has the capability to cloud everything so much that we don't see a way out anymore. I hate that at times my anxiety takes over, that I start believing the lies it tells me because that's what it helps me to focus on in communication with others. That sometimes it means going to bed right after dinner and still having trouble getting up the next morning, that socialising can become difficult because its exhausting dealing with the sensory overload inside your head and pretending that everything is okay.
We crack when we break, every single thing that happens to us that's 'negative' cracks us a bit,but every time we crack we allow more light to shine through us. We are born to shine.
All of a sudden the leaves were gone
The pages were turned, the end of the song
But the Skies are still rich with fire
From every colour between red and blue
Maybe there are some things that never end
And for those that do, there’s a new beginning instead.
We all have battles we face, we all feel like it's too much sometimes, that's okay. Find the things that help you to deal with all that. Getting out to move, breathing techniques, closing your eyes, repeating a certain phrase, getting out of the room, etc. This is doable, we just need to find what fits us.
I think that there is often a misconception, that once you get into a relationship the mental health issues will disappear, cause you're happy now right? Not alone or craving love anymore cause it's at your fingertips. Alas that's not how reality works. Just because I couldn't at this point combine taking care of my mental health and thriving in a relationship doesn't mean it's impossible. There are so many people who have managed to make the combination work and given it their own beautiful form.
I think it's our responsibility as people to let each other know we're there for them. We're not made to be alone, and we can all do our part. See someone alone? Go sit next to them. Invite that person who you usually don't talk to. Be kind to each other, you don't know the battles they're facing. Feeling alone? contact someone you trust, or even here me.
In the USA alone 40 million adults above the age of 18 are affected a year by anxiety and panic attacks. That's an insane number. I've had my fair share of anxiety leading to panic attacks, some that would leave me restless for days and not know which way to turn. It made me desperate to find some kind of solution because burying it definitely was not helping. I figured there's gotta be some kind of way to make this work cause I noticed in every part of my life it would crumble when I was in these modes.
I’m changing things up a bit. When I originally started this blog it was for my integration back into The Netherlands after being away my entire life. There honestly isn’t much more to write about that. Maybe every now and then something will come up but I want to shift gears to something more relevant…
You took a leap of faith with me, we had an adventure and made memories that no one and nothing can take away. I would do it all over again if I could.