This is my answer when people ask me if I am happy about my status as a Third Culture Kid. It's what pops in my mind when I want to quit everything and just settle. It's the nagging thought that forces me to get out of bed and get my shit together, because I know that I've tasted bits and pieces of who I want to be. I know I'll never be happy with myself if I let all that slide because it's more comforting to stay in bed or at home or whatever your safe area is.
If there's anything that this year taught us, for me it's that in the blink of an eye, everything can change. People around me keep saying we gotta make it to 2021, soon everything will get better, and I do believe things will get better. However I do think we need to remember to live in the now, that like this past year everything can change in the blink of an eye. We don't know what the next year holds for us but I pray that it's many good things. Just don't forget there are good things right now.
It changed the way I dealt with my break up, how I reacted when I was assaulted at the Train Station, what I did when I was learning to become who I wanted to be, in my friendships and relationships.
The fact of the matter is this can and should never be a long term solution. People cannot go this long being apart, we are all already addicted to screens and technology. Social distancing only increasing this and our hunchbacks from sitting at our desks for work, and for a chat, and for a drink, because everything is online.
This past week I started listening to podcasts on my commute to school. I live in central Netherlands but study in the south so I have a 4 hour commute per day. I figured podcasts were a good way to spend my time, I could use these four hours to still be working on myself…
Probably the first thing that pops into your mind when I say the words 'self care' is an evening with facials, a nice shower or bath and a big glass of wine. Alas that's not what I'm talking about. I used to relate that to self care too, but the past year I've learned what it really is and why it's so important to focus on that.
Dang I thought I had to do everything perfectly. I couldn't get delayed in my studies I needed that to be perfect. Follow the plan precisely, graduate after exactly 4 years and then continue on to my masters. Now thats all thrown out the window because of a semester delay. Im stressing majorly because this isn't how it's supposed to go. It doesn't fit my picture perfect plan.
Ruts are hard. I'm in a rut right now and they're difficult to get out of. I figured I can't be the only one struggling with this so I'm gonna write about it and share my take on how to get out of one. It feels like the past few weeks have just been downhill. Everytime something happens and I try to be positive about it but each time it just chips pieces away more and more. Now I'm at the point where I'm thinking enough! Because I can't continue going on like this. I'm currently writing this from my sofa, having trouble dealing with the tension I feel inside me and getting up and doing something. It doesn't help that the next earliest appointment with my therapist is December 30th, that's a long wait to keep sitting with this.
Fighting against mental illness can be really though sometimes. It has the capability to cloud everything so much that we don't see a way out anymore. I hate that at times my anxiety takes over, that I start believing the lies it tells me because that's what it helps me to focus on in communication with others. That sometimes it means going to bed right after dinner and still having trouble getting up the next morning, that socialising can become difficult because its exhausting dealing with the sensory overload inside your head and pretending that everything is okay.
We crack when we break, every single thing that happens to us that's 'negative' cracks us a bit,but every time we crack we allow more light to shine through us. We are born to shine.