Breathe: Chaos to Calm

In the USA alone 40 million adults above the age of 18 are affected a year by anxiety and panic attacks. That's an insane number. I've had my fair share of anxiety leading to panic attacks, some that would leave me restless for days and not know which way to turn. It made me desperate to find some kind of solution because burying it definitely was not helping. I figured there's gotta be some kind of way to make this work cause I noticed in every part of my life it would crumble when I was in these modes.

Self Love and Trust

How are we supposed to love others, if we can't even love ourselves? I heard something along those lines in church and felt personally criticised. Of course I can love others, I love them so incredibly much, but myself? no that seems to be something I've never truly been able to do. I've been content with who I was, what I looked like, but loving myself had never been part of that. It seemed so easy to love others, I could give away every ounce of me loving others and I would do it in a heartbeat, but taking just a part of that for myself just didn't quite seem plausible.

What Saying Goodbye Feels Like

Goodbye's are the most inevitable things in our lives. They're the most painful yet at the same time the easiest. We are so used to saying bye to people that it becomes habit, a routine. Most of the time thinking in the back of your head, 'I'll see you somewhere again' cause that's the life we have.

Alive

A lot of people struggle with faith because if God is good then why does he allow bad things to happen to us? Even his most faithful servants often get the most painful moments. I struggled with that too, the year behind me was the worst I could’ve had with friends dying, friends being diagnosed with severe illnesses, people I love ditching me, and my own struggle with depression. I felt in pain, alone, and not able to rationalise that bad things happen because it felt like that was those were the only things happening to me for a while. Until I realised three core truths to myself

Meeting God in the Middle

Meeting God in the middle is confusing, because where is the middle. It's scary because what's that gonna mean? It's difficult because the world is not that great a place and we were never promised an easy or enjoyable life. But it's worth it. I may have had to face some hard truths that I was struggling with these things, and deal with emotions I'd much rather have suppressed, but because I didn't I had such a rich day, I felt on fire and honestly still can't quite shut up about it. 

What Have I Been Up To?

But for now I can make an update on what's kind of been going on in my life and what that's been teaching me. In the past month that I have not been posting or online, I have seen my best friend get married, fought really hard and got to continue my school despite majorly lacking credits, and I've celebrated my parents being married 25 years.