Accepting imperfection has always been difficult to me, thinking and certainly believing that immediately I had to be perfect in things made the fall so much steeper when I failed to be. It took my motivation and crushed it because I thought I couldn’t after failing my first attempt. I’ve always seen people posting about progress and not perfection, I had heard it so much but it never took root inside me. It’s as if my body formed an antidote to it. But now it’s something I accept, and want to live by on the daily.
There’s a lot of things I wish to accomplish and do and its sometimes terrifying to start because what if I’m not good enough or what if I fail? But take my diet for example. Diet is something I’ve struggled with a long time. I’ve never needed a diet to lose weight cause I’d been blessed with a naturally thin body, but I knew my insides were begging me to be healthy and take care of myself. Mainly my poor gut I had explained a few blog posts ago, which was leading to other health problems. This is the first time I’m accepting my imperfections, and celebrating the progress and effort I am daily putting into it. It’s the little changes that will grow to be the big results. Such as eating breakfast and also making it healthy, buying fruits instead of chips, and honestly just spending a lot of time with my family that eats healthy.
I still mess up, I still overload carbs or sugar randomly because I crave it but you can’t get through any process without mistakes. I also know this of myself and try to think of ways to avoid this happening so that I can make that progress and not constantly be stuck in the same cycle without growth. Although being a perfectionist has lead me to a lot of unrealistic ideas and hopes, it also drives me to be the best version of me. All I needed to figure out was how to balance that. I need the drive and determination it gives me, but I need to let go of the person I think I should be and allow myself the space to be who I am. Not saying I shouldn’t grow and learn, but accept myself even when I am not yet where I would like to be.
It’s the same thing when it comes to settling here in The Netherlands. When I came I expected to be settled almost immediately and only got angry and disappointed in myself when that didn’t work out. Instead of being proud of the steps I was taking to feeling at home and functioning at 100% again I was getting angry for not reaching the finish line prematurely. You can’t expect yourself to be perfect, to settle immediately and feel like everything is in its place. Quite frankly that’s not right because things aren’t in their place, they need to find a place before they can be in place and to find a place that takes time. Just like it takes time for you to find your place in your new environment. Don’t go blaming yourself because things are hard and you’re feeling uneasy, it is uneasy. Instead celebrate the steps you’re taking and the milestones you’re reaching. Because if you accept the process, you’re already halfway to the finish line.