Closure

I came across a quote the other day which said, “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.” This quote did more than give me just a bit of motivation, but it made me realise that through everything that has happened my entire life, I am still sitting here writing this blog post to you. There are experiences that could have gone terribly wrong, several times I could have been seriously injured or died and yet I’m still here. I’ve faced emotional trauma, as has every person, and questioned my sheer existence before, and yet here I am. When these kind of things happen I’m convinced we’re here for a bigger purpose than our own thinking. All the tough and painful situations you thought you couldn’t get through, you got through. No you’re not the same but every experience changes you and impacts you. Trouble never finds you the same way it leaves you.

With these tough times that come and go it is important to get closure. I underestimated the significance in closure until I got it, and the next day my spirits were already lifted. I’m not claiming that closure fixes you and all your troubles disappear, because quite frankly that’s not the case.

In the past few months I’ve had to find closure over one of the hardest instances I’ve experienced, which was my break up. It took me 6 weeks to find closure about my relationship ending, for 6 weeks I was running in circles and unable to process the emotions I felt. Nothing could seemingly cheer me up, I could barely stomach any food, and I cried a whole lot more than I care to admit. During that time I spent a lot of time praying and seeking guidance from trusted mentors, on how I could deal with the pain I was feeling. This was one experience like I talked about earlier that I did not believe I would get through. What I said was true, the pain did not leave me as it found me and I have changed as a person but that is how life goes. It’s taught me a lot about how to go about relationships, break ups, pain, the future, and my own emotions. It also taught me that we do not control everything that happens in life, and to stop fighting against things happening. Ultimately God has the control and we can’t change his plan for us, surrendering to that helped me to find peace of mind. Closure was when I gave it one last effort, mustered the last bit of energy I had for the situation, and completely put my heart out on the line. It got rejected, and yes that hurt, but I had the closure I needed. I knew that there was nothing I could do to change the situation, there’s nothing I could give to get how I wanted things to be. I realised that night that everything is in God’s hands, and with that came in immense peace.

The thing is, when this closure is found it doesn’t mean your problems disappear. He still crosses my mind every single day but it’s different now. It’s looking back on memories fondly and being thankful for the good times. I no longer have the need to be overemotional and no longer feel the searing pain. Honestly I keep reminding myself that if I was so happy during that time, whatever happens next can only be better, but that closure allowed me to stop running in circles and really get started on my life here.

I was convinced I needed to drop out of school here, move back to Singapore and spend some time there because I blamed and related everything in this country to what happened. However that’s not the case anymore, I’ve stopped running in circles and actually moving forward, getting to see new things about this place everyday and even if I hate to admit it I am enjoying living here. Sure I miss my parents, friends, and mentors but there’s good in everything. There is good in living here too. It would have taken so much longer if it even happened at all to get to this place without that closure, the chapter is finally finished and I’m off to start a new one.

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